Chasing Superwoman

I suppose it was a moment that has been months in the making {6 to be exact.} What started out as an innocent trip to meet the teacher at Henry’s new preschool ended in a puddle of tears. 

I was a little nervous going in that Henry would be a little clingy since up until this point in his life, he’s stayed at home with me. Much to my relief, he marched right into the classroom without skipping a beat.  His new teacher is AWESOME and she put him {and me} at ease right away. Everything was going splendidly until the parent folders were handed out.  Inside I found the 2 page school supply list, class snack calendar, a fundraising committee sign up, parent homework assignment, field trip volunteer form, and a 1 inch thick stack of papers to fill out by yesterday. Did I mention that he's two, people!  It was just one thing too many.

I didn't tell her it was too much or ask any questions. I just smiled and nodded and swallowed hard. The second the car door closed, I felt my eyes burn and then begin to water. It wasn’t long before my tears turned into full blown sobs. Right there in the parking lot.

It was such an out of character reaction from me.  I mean, call me what you want, but I am not a crier. But the stress of the past 6 months…the stress of being a full time student, a good friend, a better wife, trying to lose the baby weight, and being a mommy of 3…finally got the best of me.  

I’ve had way too much on my plate lately. Let’s be honest, the sleep deprivation alone that comes with having a newborn is enough to send anyone over the edge.  I am not Superwoman, and it's exhausting to try.

My to-do list is a mile long. My house isn't clean. {At this point, I'd settle for sanitary} My kids don't get a bath every night.  Heck, we don't even have a proper bedtime routine most nights. My husband doesn't get the attention he deserves. My own school work isn’t my best effort, I'm just doing enough to get by.

The point is, I know I could be doing a better job. But lately all I can muster is a good enough. Right now, I spend my days just trying to catch my breath. I drink my coffee in the shower. I read my emails while brushing my teeth. By the time I get out of the house I've been up for three hours and haven’t sat once.

But the thing is, I have dreams and goals. I have plans. I know where I want to go but sometimes I feel like I’m swimming upstream to get there.

And along with that comes feelings of guilt because all of the things that pull me in fifty different directions are the things that I've sacrificed for. That I've worked for. That I love.

I want it all. I want time with my kids and time for myself. And most days there aren't enough hours in the day for both. But they win. Every single time. And I'm okay with that because deep down, I know that there will come a day when they won't need me as much. One day they will grow up to chase dreams of their own. Until then, I'll keep drinking my coffee in the shower. After all, that’s what superwoman would do.